Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Health: Inconclusive

I have been writing this blog in my head for some time now. I am sure some of it won't be as good as I thought it would be and some might actually come across better.

For some reason when in comes to certain things women are told not to be honest. I don't know exactly where it stems from but it definitely has been carried on for centuries. We are made to feel ashamed about our bodies and what they do. It is a no no in most polite circles to bring up miscarriage or infant mortality. Subjects are whispered about behind closed doors with only select good friends. Or gossip mongers talk about other women who might have done this or gone through that. These people never actually offer support or a loving hug to the woman they are speaking about. This vicious way of being is continually perpetuated by all these circumstances. 

There are a few of us, who stand away from the masses. We talk about things more openly because we understand in order for things to change you have to step up to the plate. You can't hide in the shadows waiting for the right moment or situation to come along. We might lose friends (but then are they truly your friend if they turn their back on you?) or be shunned from certain groups of people for standing up. However we live with a clearer conscious and feel more confident about how our daughters will be as they grow up.

I have been honest about my health because I believe it might help someone else out there are I might get another helpful solution to try. Let me be honest again.

I was on antibiotics for a total of about 7 weeks give or take a week between sinus infections. When a childbearing woman goes on antibiotics she is given warnings about how it will affect their birth control pills if they are taking any. For the most part I haven't had a problem but with each longer stint on antibiotics my body and birth control was taking a beating. 

One day I woke up with enormous and tender boobs. Now for me this happens when I am pregnant. So I thought to myself about it. Pondered about it for a day and then finally said something to my husband. The possibility was there. Before I started worrying about it all, I was sleeping great and a little ball of unpredictable emotions (yet another sign I might be pregnant). My husband bought a test (yes, he's that fabulous) and I stared at it for about a day. When my nerves became strong enough I took it.
 The above picture is of that first test stick. I know it is slightly hard to see but can you see that in fact there is a very faint line creating a + sign. But it isn't all the way filled in. Which to me said your results are inconclusive. I N C O C L U S I V E????!!! How can that be? Isn't this supposed to be a simple yes or no? Let me tell you about that week, and boy what a week it was. I had big boobs. I started baking and cooking like nobody's business. I was a slightly a perfectionist about my baking which meant I needed reassurance about how things looked and tasted or I was liable to cry. All my sinus infection symptoms went completely away. (yup, that's correct whenever I am pregnant I am super healthy. Why can't that be true all of the time?!) I had the weirdest period ever. It would start and stop like nobodies business. I have never encountered what I had that week before since I started menstruating many moons ago. Every time I think I had figured it out, something else would happen and cause me to be confused again. I got to go through all the emotions about where are we going to put a fourth child? Can we handle it? We're going to have to buy a new infant seat (our's has long since expired). We'll need infant clothes because we gave all of ours away. Plus I got to watch my husband go through it all too. No, we didn't tell any of our friends. What exactly would we say? We're confused? That isn't very helpful.  We just had to wait and see what my body decided.

Finally after a very long seven days it was all answered and confirmed. Not pregnant is what I got on the above stick. My body suddenly went back to being it's normal self. And that damn sinus infection started roaring back into me as well.  

Here I am standing on the other side of all that drama unscathed really. My husband and I are strong and resilient. Our kids are non the wiser. And my story is told. I don't feel shame like I am sure some would say I should. I'm not depressed about it because my body did exactly what it was supposed to. I could have done without the stress though and the sleepless hours. 

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