Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Society tells us women hate sex at a certain point

My friend Esther just wrote a post over on her blog about sex . And I could have simply typed a response over there and left it alone. But then again I thought about it, and I am still thinking about it and my mind won't stop.

For you see Esther brings up a very valid point one that I have pondered for much of my life. Why are women as a group often told we don't really like sex? Why do we have that joke "not tonight honey, I have a headache."? I would bet that some of this comes from our Puritanical backgrounds. (thank you pilgrims)  Other parts of it comes from books, stage and films that depict "good girls" versus "bad girls". Bad girls are those hussies in whorehouses that lure good men into their bedrooms. While good girls often bat their eyelashes at some hunky dope of a guy hoping he'll propose marriage within five minutes of meeting her.

Of course there is also the religious right in various places around the world that have relatives grab unsuspecting girls in the middle of the night and perform female circumcisions on them. Making it impossible for these young women ever to experience a sexual climax and making the birth process even more painful then anyone can imagine.

Starting in grade school for me and continuing on into high school I had some version of sex education  every year. In fourth grade it was pathetic with the boys being separated from the girls so that we could learn about menstruation. In 7th grade our biology teacher happened to be pregnant and so she was a bit more honest with us about some aspects of reproductive health.

But when push comes to shove and you find yourself with someone else , and the kissing is amazing and the touching seems to be electric there is nobody there to remind you to stop or put on a condom. You and your partner need to remember that one in the moment. Did any of your friends in high school or college ever utter the words "I don't like sex"? Probably not. And yet many women have this society placed guilt on them. Why is it wrong when it feels good?

I must say there is of course bad feeling sex and touching. You must at all times make sure your partner is conscious, willing as much as you are and never uncomfortable. This of course involves having an open dialogue between you and your lover.

This is not to say of course then anyone out there is always feeling sexy or turned on (so to speak) every day of their lives. As a mother of three I have days where I want to scream if one more person touches me. And after childbirth you have to find your sexual self again. Sometimes it takes a bit, don't be afraid. Things do change down there in the parts that nobody likes to name.

I recently read the book: An Intimate Life: Sex, Love and My Journey as a Sex Surrogate by Cheryl Cohen-Greene. I found the book pretty fascinating. She has helped people at various points in their life and they all (mostly) have been incredibly thankful. There is even a fantastic antidote about taking an older woman (between 75-85 yrs in age I can't quite remember) vibrator shopping.

My point of this blog and the point of Esther's blog is that we need as women need to start a movement. We need to help society reform the language it uses when it comes to women and sex. If you hear someone saying that women don't like sex stand up for yourself and others. Women do like sex. It is okay for women to like sex. It doesn't mean women are "loose" or "asking for it" if we talk about sex either.

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