Monday, January 17, 2011

This boob is shrinking!

Prepubescent girls sometimes hope and pray that when they wake up in the morning they'll suddenly be a "woman" and have these fantastic gigantic boobs. Sadly, this doesn't happen to any of us except for maybe Crystal who went on summer break after fourth grade and came back to fifth grade with an amazing rack! I know the boys were ogling her something fierce but so were us girls. We all couldn't figure out how she got them that big that fast? Where is my fairy godmother?
My mother was really great at putting me down during my childhood. So, good that I didn't figure out how cruel she was until I left her nest for a month's stay in Spain. Jane was so ever subtle with her skill that often you wouldn't realize what had just happened to you until months later. Thanks to her negative comments I never developed a very healthy happy image of myself. I always thought I had to have better hair (she told me mine was "mousy" and started me dying it in 7th grade) or a bigger chest. I tried her bra on once in middle school and was quite horrified at the sheer size of it. I swear one of the cups could easily fit on top of my head.
Thanks to the constant negative comments towards my physique I never thought I was pretty. I became quite a wallflower and of course wore over sized black clothes to compensate. For my senior year page in the year book, I collected some photos I liked and doodled a little tree. It was pretty neat and tidy summing up my time in high school I thought. When the yearbooks came out I came to discover that one of my dear friends on the yearbook staff had augmented one of my photos. I went from my ordinary boobs to quite extraordinarily large boobs. It would have gone unnoticed by me had I not been wearing a polka dot dress in the picture. You see the polka dots around my chest area got a bit distorted thanks to his enhancement.
After that, I actually just accepted myself and went about my life. Expecting my chest to remain the same from here on out. Of course I would have to endure the occasional jibe from Jane for being "flat chest" (which I never was actually) but other then that it really was a none discussion point.
Then something very odd started to happen to me around age 26. It was like I was going through puberty all over again. Let me tell you going through it once was enough! I got some pimples again! (bleck!) And shocker of shocks, my chest grew. I was scratching my head as to why I suddenly wasn't fitting into my normal everyday bras anymore. Seems Mother Nature thought I should actually move to being a solid C cup. Alright, I can deal with that. Bring it on!
My boobs were not done with me. No. Not even close! When I became pregnant with my first child they grew to enormous sizing and proportions. Just as they should. I had to say that it was fun playing the cleavage card with certain tops and dresses. I have to admit though the bigger they got the more in the way they got too. Oh! And if they got squashed it hurt! It hurt really bad.
When I see women walking down the street who have had surgical breast augmentation. The kind where you start thinking she has her own personal floatation device attached 24/7 . I always wonder how is that comfortable? Why would you willingly make yourself look like that? It is beyond ridiculous if you ask me.
Alright so the first kid stops breast feeding around the age of one and my boobs happily go back to being a solid B cup. I can do this.
I become pregnant again about 3 years later. I go through the pregnancy process and have a great giggle to my self around months 4 and 5. I say to myself because it is kind of cruel what happens to a straight guy if he comes in contact with a female at this stage in her pregnancy. Ladies are sending some insane pheromones and hormones out into the world that are basically screaming" Hey look at me I'm sexy! I am so very fertile! Check me out! " And every time I am out in public at this point in my pregnancy I get looked up and down, I get winks and smiles, some even try to approach me. The only outwardly physical change that a guy can see are the boobs. They are eye catching beacons! Once I even threw on a pair of Fluevogs just to see what damage I could do while shopping at Fred Meyer. One guy actually tripped over himself. Poor guy.
Sadly I have to stop this little baby from nursing any extra thanks to my accidental becoming pregnant for a third time.Which means my lovely milk producing devices have never had  chance to decompress after a year of ups and down, clogs and rushes.
My boobs got to go through all the crazy hormonal changes like a pro this time. Everything went like clockwork in the beginning. This third pregnancy really went by in the wink if an eye.They knew me where I went since they had just seen me for the last one. Although during one of the weigh ins the scale decided to disagree with me. I had to call the nurse over to contend with the uppity scale. I Think my boobs decided to diverge from the norm of what they had been up top before and ran for a touch down at this point.
They stayed big for my third pregnancy . I actually got used to their size and dressed accordingly  I figured out how to have fun with my new found gigantic cleavage.
I kind of wanted to loose a guy in them one, I know i could get a taker or two. They would have been in a blissful  state of heaven.
Here I am now. I bought I few bra anticipating my old size. how could I not go back to being the wonderful solid C?  It always came back, my tiny trusty C pillows.
Some funny girl called Mother Nature through me back two A's this time. What the hell? Ididn;t to ease though B first? I liked being a Bcup that we my who 20's. Those trusty girls helped me have some great honest fun. But this? I have entered into the land of A? What is that? Can I still be me? with only As peaking out? Time will tell I guess. Maybe I'll be let back into the land of B once I've done my time here. 
Let's get this party started As!

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