Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Does it ever go away?

My husband told me I should blog about this, maybe I would get some answers or just some sort of support.

Babies, babies, babies. Everyone under the sun seems to be pregnant. I love it. Finally, we have all these wonderful people that I know who are going to be excellent parents even if they don't know it yet. Guess what I'm jealous, yup me. The mother of three children, one who's special needs and the other two who are 20 months apart. The woman who has days where I never get around to eating a square meal until dinner because the kids keep me moving.

Why am I jealous? Because I know that there are no more babies for me. At least that is what we've decided, and that is the sane choice here. I see beautiful pregnant women walking down the street and I yearn to be like them. I grow sad at the thought that my child bearing time is done. I hate thinking about the fact that I won't get to go through the whole naming process again, or see that very first real smile on another child of mine. Reality goes away and day dreaming ensues as I glimpse pregnant bellies hiding beneath a shirt or dress. I actually forget that being pregnant means peeing every other second and not sleeping well. Oh, and the countless doctors appointments!

There is a flip side to this, when I was pregnant with my last child I was jealous of all the non-pregnant women! They'd walk by with their skinny little waists and cute clothes and I would become angry! How crazy am I?

Does the need for procreating ever leave? Or does it gnaw at you until you hit menopause and then....well I don't know what. I swear if it were cheap to have kids and easy for me I'd have a dozen. But it isn't easy for me, well getting pregnant is but after that, not so much. I am of the mindset now though that everyone I know should have at least 3 kids.

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