Monday, May 17, 2010

The current drama unfolding

For those of you have read my blog posts surrounding my family, you know it can be full of drama that they create. On Mother's Day the phone rang at 8 AM and it was my adoptive father calling to tell us that his wife was at Harborview Hospital awaiting surgery and that he was driving over that day to be with her. My dad didn't know what day it was or probably how early it was, he was that stressed.

Over 10 years ago my dad left my mom for his high school sweetheart. As I have said before at the time I tried my very best to be accepting and incredibly nice to this new woman in my dad's life. He said Judy was very warm and caring, so I tried to see what he saw. Frank and I even went to a couple of dinners down at one of her daughter's house. The more I saw of Judy and her grown children the less I liked but I never once said anything to my dad. It really worried me at how controlling Judy was of him but he said they were happy. My politeness left me the day Judy said I was fat and huge. At the time I was seven and half months pregnant with my first child, and actually not overly round for a very pregnant woman. The first thing out of Judy's mouth was "my look at how fat and huge you are" , now as far as I know you never ever say something like that to a pregnant woman. I admit that I was incredibly hormonal (just ask Frank) but I just couldn't deal with Judy anymore after that. My father of course took her side and became incredibly defensive of her, telling me at one point to apologize to her. WHAT? She was rude but I am the one that has to say I'm sorry for standing up for myself? Um, no I don't think so. I'm telling you it was just the tip of the iceberg of all the crap I had put up from her over the years.

Anyway about 2 years ago Judy started getting sick and I do believe for the last year maybe more she has been confined to her bed. My father has been taking care of her all this time, without any help. I tried to get them to sell their incredibly BIG house and move into an assisted living place just so my dad could catch a break. On the few times I've talked to him he has admitted to hardly leaving the house because her needs were constant. This is not a healthy situation. But Judy likes all her material stuff and refuses to part with any of it.

Last Thursday Judy had a surgery done on her neck in hopes that they could relieve the pressure being placed on her spinal cord from some injury. Unfortunately getting all the information out of my father has proved impossible so Frank and I still aren't sure about how Judy got the injury in the first place. We think it must have been something involving her trying to get from her bed to the potty chair which is like a foot away. It is a very serious surgery she has undergone, one that if she were healthy might take her 3 months to recover from. Frank and I have talked about the fact that my father probably hasn't either come to terms with or accepted that they will now have to move into a senior housing facility if she is able to leave the hospital. We're pretty sure he doesn't understand the care that is involved for this kind of surgery or what Judy would need to be healthy and recover.

This afternoon my dad called to say that Judy seems to have developed a slight case of pneumonia and isn't responding to doctor's when they talk to her. He says she's breathing heavily and not much else. I don't know if my dad realizes this might be the end. I know it is horrible to say but I really hope it is the end for Judy. She's been in constant pain with her hip for the past 5 years, and not been able to leave the house for the last 2. What kind of life is that?

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